Nevermind me. Nevermind the feelings you invoked on me. Nevermind that I got played. Nevermind that you had the audacity to do that. Nevermind everything that “transpired” (I put the quotations because everything that did happen between us is fake.) is all an act. Just give 2 things and I won’t rant about this ever again on social media.
One, Leave me the fuck alone. I mean, don’t talk to me. ever again.
Two, The next girl you meet, don’t do this to her. I’ll haunt you when I’m dead if you do.
“you thought that you were the one I was tweeting about? Hahahahhaha!”
He said. Casually throwing the question as if it were as ordinary as falling leaves in fall.
I was flabbergasted at the question, but not shocked enough to loose my sense. So I just denied everything and acted dumb. Yes, that works pretty much all the time.
But then what I couldn’t understand was that why were you doing all these things? Is it just to get back at her? are you seriously in like with me? Or are you just playing with my emotions because yours got played as well?
Well, whatever the reason, you have eternally tainted that image of you in my head. The image of you being So witty,so Intelligent, So humorous and so handsome that I could not take you out of my mind even for just a second. The very thought terrifies me. But then what you said and how you’re acting is contradicting and I think I’m starting to develop trust issues not only to the people around me and most especially to myself. And that’s what’s the saddest part here, not being able to trust myself.
So I’d just like to say that If you really respect me, do me a favor and leave me. Don’t talk to me, unfollow me on twitter, or unfriend me on facebook. I really don’t care. I just want you to not communicate with me for the next semester or so. That’s the last thing I will ask of you. I might have found you extremely attractive at some point but then this is just self-depreciating. and I can’t do that to myself anymore.
You come over to my table and tell me I’m pretty. Then after that wherever I go, you go and hug me like the hugs in movies. Next we just let our eyes do the talking.. Finally, I melt into your arms. Thinking you are the mold and I am the sculpture. We fit together almost perfectly.
It’s the same scenario over and over again after each day. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. That spark, I thought that we created that. Things were doing okay.. a little flirting here and there couldn’t hurt anyone, right? And besides, you’re moving on, I’m moving on. This doesn’t count, right? Wrong.
This certain tug of familiarity we have with each other isn’t because we’re into each other but because we see our former loves in each other. Just different versions. It’s like we’re hanging onto dreams, unrealities and thinking of them as real. Because whenever we hold hands, or gaze into each other’s eyes or with each kiss on the forehead, it’s not us we’re thinking about. It’s them.
That’s what I realized when you told me that you almost called me by her name. It’s just sad and happy at the same time to find out that I wasn’t the one whom you held hands with etc. just when I thought that I was starting to like you, I realized that I didn’t. or I couldn’t bring myself into this hellhole again and suffer this classical case of torture called unrequited love. I’m sure you know how that feels.
And so please do understand me now. I don’t want to be someone’s idea of someone else. I want to be loved for my own self.