seven and counting

1- He danced me to the song of “Beauty and the Beast” and my 5 year old heart just couldn’t stop beating faster and faster. He was the prince of my fairytales,my knight in shinning armor. He was perfect, up until I realized that his lower jaw was more prominent than the rest of his face.


2-playing on my god mother’s back yard, and I picked up the ball. And then I saw you. Everything was a blur and you were all I could see, time stopped. Only the chicken wire fence separated us. And then my 8 year old self got over it that afternoon.


3-bestfriends. We did everything together, we talked about anything together. We spent years wasting time on ym (and for the younger generations,this is YahooMessenger) talking about anything about everything. We weren’t awkward at all,up until I caught feelings for you. Remember that time when it was only the two of us walking around campus and said: “you really remind me of her..” oh crap. That was when my 13 year old self got her first heartbreak. Booom fwooooshhhhh The world came crashing in and I thought everything was a huge pile of useless dung. But then there’s number four.


4-And then there’s you. Over there..putting on your shinguards..running and kicking the ball. I liked you soo much partly because you were half-human and hal-adonis and the other part because oh good lawd you were perfect. You still are to me,fyi. But not perfect for me because time has proven to me that we can never be an item or anything close to that.


5-another number 3 perhaps? Yes. I never get tired of liking the wrong guys do I? Another one of the late night-to-dawn conversations. Another one of those “goodnight, I love you bestfriend” kinds of things. Oh great Dionysus please flood me with wine because I would like to forget how pathetic I was for falling for someone like him. Well ofcourse at that time,my 15 year old self wouldn’t mind being an Item with one of the most popular and good looking guys at school. I admit,being so called bestfriends with this guy was an ego boost. Not to mention that his girlfriend got a tad bit pissed at me because we were already exchanging little gifts and having a load of inside jokes. Hahahahaha! And then I didn’t like anyone else for the next 3 years. Then I realized it was all shit. Waiting for something that wouldn’t happen. So I went on with my life.


6-while I was still “in like” with number 5,number 6 came along and swept me right off of my feet. He made the movies give a run for its money when it came to swooning me. And swoon I did. Flowers, visiting me, going on lunches. It was well and good when you ignore the fact that I was already betraying my friends. OMG yes I am not a saint. I was an asshole. Well to cut short,i forgot my friends and yadda yadda yadda and still the guy broke my heart. Oh gash. I was like the prodigal son to my friends that time. This made me learn that Bros over Hoes do really apply in real life. And If I could travel time and slap sense into my 16 year old self,i would. Even if it took me 600 slaps on the face. I love you friends T_T and I am sorry still.


7- out of all the guys I have liked and liked me back thru my 3 years in college so far, This is definitely the most tumultuous of them all. ( I just literally sighed before typing this sentence). This is literally one of those “He likes me,He likes me not” in the course of a year, this has taught me that truly, I’ve never heard silence quite so loud. And evading the problems and what not would always lead to unresolved feelings and confusion and heartache.



But now as I’ve been writing this, Ive learned a lot. And I’m just so grateful.





6 months.

6 freaking months of trying so hard to get over someone.

and it only takes 20 minutes with the Lord to take all that pain,anger and resentment from you.

although I’ve been praying for months to take it away,i never thought that it would have been so soon. Truly,God knows when the right time and how things would work for your betterment. His love, His healing,unimaginable,uncontrollable,unfathomable,limitless…I could go on and on and nothing, and I mean no words can give justice to God’s love.


as I write this, I am overwhelmed with gratefulness. I will never know how He just heals me, I will never know the complete magnanimity of His love. But one thing’s for sure, His love is greater than my sins or wounds or incapabilities. 


thank you, thank you, thank you.



7 Regrets You Never Want To Have In Life

Thought Catalog

1. You didn’t live the life you wanted to live. You listened to the naysayers. Ignored your dreams. You lived to everyone’s expectations but your own. Everyone else’s needs took precedence over yours. It was your life but you forgot to live it.

2. You didn’t take more risks in your career. You stayed at that 9-5 because it was “secure.” Your job was unfulfilling and woefully uninspiring but you couldn’t just quit. You had the mortgage, the car payments, and student loans to worry about, among other things. You needed your 401k and the health insurance for the kids. There’s no way you could have pursued the career you always wanted. That passion you managed to tame but never stopped burning inside of you. And now you’ve just realized that you could have done that. You could have done all of that. You could have done anything you wanted.

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